The Stupendously Scintillating Lemony Snicket

litparksnicketI don’t know about you, but I am definitely one of those kids who grew up reading A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. Along with Harry Potter, this was one of the first book series I started reading that really nourished my love for getting lost in a good book.

What is so great about Mr. Snicket? Well, some of my favourite things about reading his books are the pure wit, dry humour and comical banter that constantly entertains. Not to mention that I was probably one of the most well-spoken 8 year-olds due to Snicket’s outrageous vocabulary. The ridiculous villains and horrendous situations the Baudelaire orphans find themselves in keep readers on the edge of their seats, and Snicket never fails to give an amusing observation here and there.

With the new Netflix series coming out soon (yay!), I wanted to dedicate a post to some hilarious, blunt, and most times true remarks from good ol’ Lemony Snicket. Hope you enjoy and if you’ve never read him before, you definitely should! I promise you won’t be disappointed!


“Stealing, of course, is a crime and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house and eat it.”
– Lemony Snicket

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two7
jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if that thing is cats.”
The Wide Window, Lemony Snicket

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.”
The Grim Grotto, Lemony Snicket

“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply goi
ng around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice cream sandwiches.”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, ‘Well this isn’t too bad, I don’t have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I’m left-handed or right-handed,” but most of us would say something along the lines of, ‘Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!’”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”
The Carnivorous Carnival, Lemony Snicket

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“If you are a student you should always get a good night’s sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book.”
– Lemony Snicket

lemonysnicket_authorphoto_creditmeredithheuer-306-306“A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called ‘The Road Less Travelled’, describing a joinery he took through the woods along a path most travellers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travellers would be on the road more travelled and so couldn’t hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead.”
The Slippery Slope, Lemony Snicket

“A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”
– Lemony Snicket

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavour of naval uniforms.”
The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket

“As I’m sure you know, when people say ‘It’s my pleasure,’ they usually mean something along the lines of, ‘There’s nothing on Earth I would rather do less.’”
The Penultimate Peril, Lemony Snicket

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.”
The Austere Academy, Lemony Snicket

“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”
– Lemony Snicket

“Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket

“There is no worse sound in the world than someone whotumblr_m2hk5sqij11r0hx0so1_250 cannot play the violin, but insists on doing so anyway.”
The Austere Academy, Lemony Snicket

“For some stories, it’s easy. The moral of ‘The Three Bears,’ for instance, is ‘Never break into someone’s house.’ The moral of ‘Snow White’ is “Never eat apples.’ The moral of World War I is ‘Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.’”
The Wide Window, Lemony Snicket

“One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about just how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.”
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, Lemony Snicket


Do you have your own favourite Lemony Snicket quotes? Do you even like Lemony Snicket? Are there any other authors or series that helped you develop a love of reading as a child? Let me know in the comments!

Here are some links to find out more about Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Lemony Snicket’s Website –>

Website for Snicket’s All The Wrong Questions series –>

To learn more about the upcoming Netflix series click here –>

or here –>


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